Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
