That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
