i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
