O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
