I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
