New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
operation have a gay friend backfired
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
