I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My bed smells like the plague
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
