I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
