Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
