last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
