WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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