At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
