I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
