just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
pray to the hookup gods
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
