Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
this just has baby written all over it
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
