I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
