Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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