Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
