you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
