Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
