alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
