hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
