Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
