My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
