I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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