I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
