You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
