I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
