the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
