worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
