He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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