No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
