and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
