my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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