BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
