I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
