to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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