i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
