So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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