CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
no you cant smoke seaweed
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
