dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
