Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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