I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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