OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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