it wasn't lemon gatorade
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
