Well douche your snatch and let's go!
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
