I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
