What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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