wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
