Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
